Three Months Home

Just three short months ago, on Christmas Eve morning, we were stepping off an airplane after 21 hours of total flight time.  We had known our kids just nine short days, but we were a family.  A family of four.  We ARE a family of four.  We have had so many milestones with our kids since coming home, so many firsts.  Our kids have been learning and reveling in all that it means to have a daddy and a mommy and we are learning and reveling in all that it means to BE mommy and daddy.

Our kids are a complete and absolute joy, and we cannot imagine life without them.  They are a ton of fun and brighten up our lives in so many ways.

I have heard that adoptive parents celebrate firsts, perhaps even more than parents of biological kids, mainly because we often miss a lot of firsts.  We have loved getting to see so many firsts over the last three months.

I may not have heard my children's first cries, or seen their first steps.  I didn't hear their first words or sing them their first song. I have no idea what their first food was or how old they were when they did any of these firsts, but I know that the firsts from the time they came into our family will be celebrated and remembered.

We had so many firsts before we ever left their country of birth.

We watched them go down a slide at a playground for the first time. Go swimming for the first time. Ride a horse. Eat pizza. Experience the zoo.  See the ocean. A dream of mine come true, to be at the beach with my kids. They rode an airplane for the first time and did amazing for that long flight, I might add.

Since coming home, we have had so many more firsts.  Their first ride in a carseat, that was definitely memorable and a bit of a rough time! Opening their first Christmas present. Seeing snow.  Playing in the snow. They have ridden a bike and a scooter for the first time.  Eaten their first ice-cream cone.  Gone to their first birthday party. Gone to church for the first time. Read the Bible for the first time.

Today, I watched as the things we have been talking about and reading in the Bible for the last three months all came together for my dear son and he experienced the biggest milestone yet.

It all started with a conversation about our "happy easter" sign hanging from the mantle. Which led to a long conversation about how we are all sinners, why Jesus died and how much He loves us. This was one of many similar conversations we have had recently.

Today was different though, as it all seemed to come together and he understood the Gospel story in a very real way. Today is a day of celebration in the Curley household, for not only is it three months home for us, it is the day our son realized and accepted all that good Friday and Easter Sunday mean for him.  Its hard to believe that three short months ago, He had never heard the name of Jesus and now He knows Him personally.

I didn't know that having my kids home could possibly get any sweeter, but today, on a Thai Tuesday no less, it did. And I have a feeling the sweet times are only going to get sweeter!

T is for Thailand

Probably the question I am asked most frequently about our kids is, "How is their English coming?"  It is coming, slowly but surely!  Slowly because we are speaking Thai in our house too so there has not been as much of a need for them to learn English.  Surely because we are being intentional to speak English with dad, read books, and learn new words every day. Their vocabulary is growing daily and I would guess that in a few more months they will be putting sentences together and much of what they now understand in English they will start using to communicate.

One of the ways we are being intentional in learning English is by studying a letter of the alphabet every week.  A great idea I got from my preschool teaching mom.  (Thanks mom!) We are not going in any certain order, rather we are studying the letters that interest the kids most or are the easier letters to write.

For each letter we study, we are enjoying finding pictures in the newspaper or flyers that start with our letter of the week.  The kids enjoy cutting them out and gluing them on a big letter. This week we are studying the letter "T". 

 

A fun letter as there are so many crafts and activities to do for the letter T.   So far this week, we have learned that T is for tiger, turtle, train, tree, telephone, television, toothbrush, toothpaste, and towel.

And traffic light

 

and truck!

 This afternoon, as I tucked the kids in for their nap, I was looking for books with turtles or tigers, trains or trucks in them to read, and I came across a book that reminded me that T is for Thailand. 

T is for Thailand

I know it may seem kind of silly to you, but this brought a big smile to our faces and a wave of emotions washed over me. A few short months ago, I was in Thailand, just getting to know my children, watching them experience the ocean and  many other things for the first time.  Thailand, the country of my children's birth. 

I love this country.  Sometimes it feels so far away, this place I once called home.  Sometimes I feel homesick for this place.  Homesick for the people, the smells, the sounds, the tastes, the smiles.  I know that my kids feel the same way at times.  Though we know they want to be here, we can tell by the way they devour their fried rice, or sit glued to a movie in Thai, or look at pictures from years past, that they too sometimes miss this country they once called home. 

Our son wants to know why people here don't speak Thai and why everyone speaks English.  As I explain to him that we are in America now and most people here only speak English, I realize just how far away we are. 

My kids, they will learn English, but I sure hope they can keep their Thai too, even if it takes them a lot longer to learn English, its one more piece of home that they have. So this week, while we study the letter T, we will most certainly be remembering and talking about the fact that T is for Thailand.

The Everyday

As I sit down on the couch to have devotions while my children are napping, I first pick up a couple of crayons off the couch and clear a spot for my afternoon cup of coffee on the coffee table.  I lean back onto a wooden knife and kiwi and I smile.  I have children.

I take a shower and I hear little voices calling, "Mommy".  I would love five minutes of peace to shower, but the years it took me to get to this place, instead, make me smile.  I have children.

I sit down to eat lunch and there is a smiling face next to me and another across from me. I forgot their water cups and the napkin holder is empty.  Someone spills their drink and the dog needs to go outside.  This is my new "lunch".  It is beautiful to me. Yes, I remind myself, it is beautiful.  I have children.

She puts on a frilly dress and she spins and twirls.  She wants to be in my arms as I am trying to make dinner.  Why do I wish she would go play?  I scoop her up and remind my heart to treasure these moments, I have a daughter.

For every explanation there seems to be another "why".  He is so inquisitive and his little mind is soaking up every new piece of information and experience that comes his way and he must know why.  Why do I sometimes wish he would stop asking why?  I look to his dad for an answer and offer this sweet boy yet another explanation, for I have a son.

Sometimes I have to remind myself of the beauty in the everyday, for even though I waited a long time for these moments, it is still too easy to take them for granted.  I so want to treasure every precious moment God gives me with my children, even the everyday ordinary moments.  These moments are opportunities for praise. I have children.  I haven't forgotten the pain and ache of the wait, the longing and the wondering.  Now they are home, in my home, and all I can say is, "Thank you Jesus. Thank you for the everyday".

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows" ~James 1:17

Target

Today, I went to Target WITH my children. This was actually our second trip, but my first with just the kids and it definitely made me reflective.  Its the little things sometimes, you know?

I use to drive over to Target on lunch breaks or after work and walk around day dreaming about my children being home.  I would hold up clothes and wonder what size they would be in, walk down the toy aisles and wonder what their interests would be and what they would enjoy playing with.

I often had an ache in my heart as I walked around that store. I would see moms talking softly to their babies (or even loudly to their toddler!) and my heart would ache because my babies were on the other side of the world.  

Not today.  My babies were in the shopping cart right there with me and my heart was full. And the wondering?  The wondering is over!!  I know what size my little munchkins are and I know what their interests are and what they like to play with.

Is it more work to get two kids in and out of car seats?  Of course.  Did it take me twice as long to get the things on my list?  Yes.  Did I buy more things that were not on my list than things that were on it?  Sure did, but I did that before kids too! 

I hope my kids always know how longed for and loved they were and are. For years before we ever knew about them, we longed for them.  During those years of waiting, God was preparing our hearts, home, and lives for them.  In a way only He can, He was working out a plan to bring us together.  He always has a plan our God does.  It is strange and mysterious and even painful at times, but He has a plan.  This is a hope that I will always hold on to, He has plans to give us, you and me, a hope and a future.

Christmas Still

Friday, January 9th.  January 9th already?  Most have taken down their Christmas trees and have returned to life as normal.  Life as normal? What is normal life?  May I just tell you that I am loving my new normal life?!

My Christmas tree is most certainly NOT taken down, nor are any of my other Christmas decorations.  It is still very much Christmas around here, most especially in my heart.  I don't ever want this season to end, the awe and wonder I feel just sitting here looking at my tree with the toy nativity set under it.  My children are home.  My eyes are full of tears.  I have waited a long time for this Christmas, for these moments of being a mom, and I am going to keep soaking it all in, even if my tree is still up come February!


The view from where I sit.

There has been something magical about coming home with our children this time of year, during the season we celebrate Jesus' birth.  Our children's very first day in our house was Christmas.  The very first story we read to them here, was the Christmas story.  Marc read and I acted it out with our toy nativity set and explained in Thai.  All of the books in the downstairs of our home are Christmas books, many of them with the story of Jesus' birth in them, so the kids keep bringing them to me to look at and read with them.  Yes, yes, I will stop what I am doing and tell you again about Jesus' birth and how much He loves you.  Oh how I have waited and longed for these moments.

A few of the children's Christmas books that I love!

They had never opened presents before so that was a fun first.  They figured it out pretty quickly! We made a turkey on Christmas day and the kids loved it, of course they ate it with rice!  A dear friend dropped off a cake and candles so we could sing happy birthday to Jesus and after some discussion over who should blow out the candles, we all blew together.

Together, together at last. For those of you who are still waiting, hang in there and hold on to hope.  The dream of having children really can and does come true. 

Yesterday, while I was cleaning up the kitchen, I heard a soft song coming from the other room, my dear son was singing God is So Good, with his own sweet pronunciations of the words.  God is so good.  The first time I sung this to them, I couldn't get through the song.  God is so good-a truth that I hope my children will always cling to, no matter what their struggles are in life, this is a truth that I hope sinks deep down inside of them and that they will always believe.

For those of you who are wondering, things are going amazingly well.  Marc and I are simply amazed at how well our children have transitioned and are adjusting to life with us.  Sure, we have some difficult moments here and there, but overall we could not ask for things to be going any better.  The kids are playing hard, sleeping plenty, eating well, cuddling lots, learning new things and smiling and laughing constantly.  They are loving all their new toys-baby dolls and cars, Duplos and dishes, crayons and stickers, and their rooms.  I will have to post finished pictures of their rooms at some point, it has been fun watching them explore!

The Day We Met Our Children

I haven't taken much time to blog this last week because well, I have waited a long time to be with my children and I am soaking up every moment.  I have fallen asleep with them each night and waken up to their faces next to mine and their hands reaching out for me.  I have napped next to them most days too.  Even though I want to share this part of  the journey with all of you, I haven't pulled myself away from the kids enough to do that, and I know you understand. At the same time though, I really want to blog because in the future, I want to be able to look back and see all that God has done and so I will take the time when I can and continue to write.

Our children are simply amazing.  We could not imagine things going any better.  There is definitely a connection with our kids and has been since day one.  At times, it feels like we have known each other for a long time and at other moments, I realize how very much I do not know about them or about being their mom.  We have been surprised at how well the kids transitioned into our care.

We first met them on Sunday, December 14th.  They were brought to the hotel we were staying at and we met them in the lobby.  They walked in with the bears we sent them over a year ago in hand (And let me tell you those bears have been well loved!). They stared at us for a couple of seconds before their social worker got out the picture albums we sent and asked them who they saw in the pictures and did it look like us.  They both nodded.  Marc got out a couple of small cars and we sat down, right in the middle of the lobby and pushed the cars toward them.  They smiled at us and pushed them back. 

Then we got out some bouncy balls, not sure the social workers thought that was the best activity for the lobby so they asked if we wanted to go up to our room.  Which we were very glad to do, kind of crazy to meet your children for the first time in a large hotel lobby with onlookers all around. Not a big deal though, because as soon as we saw our children everything else faded into the background.

Once we got to our room we got out some large balloons we brought with us and Marc started blowing them up.  Thankfully the hotel we were staying at had a very large living room, so there was plenty of room to play. The kids loved the balloons and we spent the better part of the next hour playing with the balloons and chasing the kids around the room.   Marc laid down on the floor at one point and both kids climbed on his back.  He got up and started crawling around the room and we heard the best sound, giggles and laughter. Our kids have never known a dad, not even a foster dad since their foster mom was a widow.  They LOVE Marc and its as if they know they need a dad.  They are so eager for his love and attention.

After this time in our room, we left to walk across the street for lunch.  Our kids both wanted us to carry them and then sat on our laps at the restaurant.  They shared a meal of fried rice and ate just about every last piece of rice. We walked back to our room and spent another hour or so playing before it was time to go. 

We rode with the social workers to the kid's foster home, which is about an hour outside of Bangkok.  We passed through the city of Bangkok and made our way into a much more rural part of the country, a city surrounded by rice fields.  It was surreal to meet the kids' foster mom, just as it was to meet them.  We have been looking at each other's pictures for 17 months and to finally meet was wonderful.  Their foster mom seems like a very sweet and caring woman and we are so grateful for the love and care she has given our children. 

It is a very different feeling on this side of things.  I know her grief and pain, at even the thought of goodbye, well.  We gave her some photo gifts we had made for her and she couldn't stop smiling looking at them.  We told her that our kids will always know that she loves them, that we will send pictures, and bring them back to visit. 

As we said goodbye the kids wanted us to hold them and didn't want us to put them down, truly God had already begun to knit our hearts together. 

A week has passed since this first day we met and tomorrow we will pick up the kids' visas at the U.S. Embassy, head to the airport and board a plane for America.  We have had a wonderful three weeks here in Thailand, but are looking forward to coming home.  Home for Christmas.

I will write more about the last week when I can!

Tasting the Sweeetness

*I wrote this five days ago, but have not had a chance to post it yet.  I have a lot of blogging to catch up on, we will see if or when that happens!

On the flight over to Thailand I started a new book, one I have been waiting to read and bought knowing I wanted to read on this trip.  This book, in the title alone, sums up so much of how I feel about our journey.  Every Bitter Thing is Sweet. My heart is overwhelmed with sweetness this trip, with seeing things once bitter become sweet. 

I am only a couple of chapters in, but if you have experienced anything bitter in your life, I think you would enjoy this book.  If you are hungering for something more, for some kind of meaning in the bitter you have experienced, the words in this book, along with the list of Scripture references at the end of every chapter, will speak to your soul.

I have walked through some bitter days in my life, some I may never write about, others I must. 

Most of you know that I fostered four precious children long term when I was living in Thailand back in 2002-2008.  I cared for two of these children for four years and two of them for two years.  They were my children and I loved them with every part of my being.  I would have given my life for them, I still would.  I loved them as much as I can ever imagine loving a child.  Each of my foster children came to me with some challenges - physical, medical, emotional. We went through a lot together, those kids and I, perhaps the biggest thing we went through though, was saying goodbye.  I would have adopted each one of them if I could have but for lots of reasons I was not able to, the biggest reason perhaps being that I knew that was not God’s plan for them or for me.  I didn’t understand it then, but I understand it a little more now. 

This trip is about meeting our children, but it has also been about reconnecting and visiting two of these precious children that I called my own. 

Bittersweet.  We called that time, the day they met their forever parents and transitioned into their care, bittersweet. I knew it was sweet, but to me, at that time, it felt mostly bitter.  I can remember the difficult moments of goodbye like it was yesterday.  The pain in my heart, the looks in their eyes.  I had to keep telling myself this was God’s plan and it was good, but it didn’t feel good. 

When we landed in Bangkok last week we were met by one of my foster children and her dad.  We had a very brief visit because we are doing some traveling before we head back to Bangkok to spend a couple of days with this sweet little one, my little peanut, I always called her.  She has changed so much.  She has a head full of curly hear, she speaks English with a British accent and she has a dad, to name a few ways.  That is something she never had with me, a dad.  She had a heavenly Father, a very real heavenly Father, but she had no one to teach her what having a father is all about.  Seeing her there with her dad, it was confirmation to my soul that she is right where she needs to be.  As I type this, I am on a plane heading back for my longer visit with her and her family. I am so looking forward to reconnecting with my little peanut.

An aquarium my foster kids loved looking at.

From Bangkok we flew to Chiang Mai.  This was where I lived for six years and it felt like coming home.  We were met at the airport in CM by a dear friend of mine and her sweet daughter.  We lived together for a couple of years there.  We stopped and got a bowl of noodles on the way to their house.  Yes, it felt like coming home. 

We spent three full days up in CM.  It was a wonderful time of reconnecting with dear friends, people that are more like family to me than friends.  It was interesting to be back there no longer single and childless. 

We went to some of the places I had frequented with my children.  Places I always went with a double stroller and a baby carrier.  It’s crazy that another six years have passed.  Now I am married and have only days left of being childless. 

 

God’s plan is good.  At times it is difficult to understand and at times it feels bitter, but in the end, especially in the ultimate end, it is good, always good.

From Chiang Mai we flew down south to Hat Yai.  Hat Yai is home to another of my foster daughters and her family.  Seeing this little one again after six years, well as you can imagine stirred up so many things, but as I reflect, most of all it stirred up joy and contentment.  Joy because she is happy and healthy and very well attached to her family. Contentment because I know she is exactly where she is supposed to be.  God picked out the perfect family for her in oh so many ways.  This sweet girl had the biggest challenges of all my foster kids to overcome.  And do you know what?  She has overcome so many of them and God is not finished with her yet.  I could tell during my short days with her that His hand has continued to rest on her and heal her.  She has the most nurturing mother and a house full of siblings to love on and care for her.  She has flourished in this home. She is not my child anymore, she is theirs…though we do all recognize that ultimately she is His, it was sweet to see that she belongs in this family.

From Hat Yai we flew to Krabi. A short and very sweet little get away before heading back to Bangkok to visit with my other foster daughter and her family and to meet our children.  I will try to write separately about this time because I have lots of amazing pictures to share. We have pictures of all of our trips and of course there are so many details I could share, but so many of these moments are too much to write about and some almost too sacred to share. 

In Krabi we were surrounded by some of His most beautiful creations and throughout our time there I was in awe of Him.  In awe of His creation and His master plan. 

 

What He has shown me most of all through this last week of travel and the quick time in the airport in Bangkok and the times in Chiang Mai and Hat Yai is that He is delights in making the bitter sweet.  Even the most bitter of moments, such as saying goodbye to my foster children, He can make sweet.  He has a plan, always, He has a plan.  A plan for our good and His glory.  I feel His presence so near to me, like He is holding my hand and giving me glimpses into His story and reminding me that He is good.

*And indeed the most bitter thing in my life has become sweet.  I am a mom! Will definitely be writing more about that later.