My Favorite Christmas Things

I love Christmas with kids around.  There is something about the joy and anticipation in a child's face on Christmas day that is so fun to watch.  I have so many Christmas memories with kids in them.  In fact, last year was the only year I have spent without kids as part of my Christmas day.

Growing up, there were lots of kids around. I remember younger siblings waking me up on Christmas morning begging me to help get mom and dad up.  I remember walking out into the living room with my younger siblings (there were eight of them for those of you who don't know!) and seeing their eyes light up at the sight of all the presents.

Then I went to Thailand, where I spent five Christmases.  The first, I was caring for a friend's six Thai foster babies, all under the age of two!  Wow, that was a fun Christmas! 

For the years following I had foster kids of my own.  I have so many good memories of decorating our little fake tree, listening to kid's praise Christmas music, making sugar cookies and paper chains and going to the orphanage for an afternoon of games and fun Christmas celebrations. 

One of my favorite Christmas memories though is of my foster kids acting out the Christmas story. J was Mary with a blue blanket wrapped around her, C was Joseph with a towel over his head, and A was baby Jesus, sometimes the other J was an angel...precious kids they would walk from one end of the house to the other to get to Bethlehem. Then they would stop and play with the nativity. This nativity is the one toy I kept of my kids, I couldn't let it go, way too many memories.  I can't wait to see our kids playing with this nativity!


There is something so very special about a nativity set at Christmas, it keeps everything in perspective.  Reminds us what the season is all about.

While in Thailand I found this hand painted nativity.

 

Complete with an elephant!

 

My deepest prayer for my siblings, for my foster kids, for my future kids, for myself, and for you is that we would always remember the true meaning of Christmas and that it all started because of the baby Messiah-He is truly the greatest gift of Christmas and He gives us reason to celebrate.

 

So children or not this Christmas, I will celebrate because He came and was born.  Born that He might bring hope and joy and even more, everlasting life. Merry Christmas!!



The Well is Always Here

One Thousand Gifts.....if you haven't read this book (by Ann Voskamp), I highly recommend it (Thanks Whitney!). It is so appropriate to read this time of year as we have been celebrating Thanksgiving, and I sometimes still struggle to focus of what I have instead of what I do not have. 

The holidays are a hard time for a lot of people, many are alone or facing some sort of family, financial, or health difficulty.  And for some reason these things can all seem a little worse around the holidays.  I know that's true for me.  I have always loved the holidays, but the last couple of years they have brought with them this undeniable sadness. They have made me miss having children in a very deep way.  Even though we now know who our children are, they still aren't here. Yes, it is our last holiday season without children, but we miss them. And this holiday season, I am once again having to choose joy and choose to go to the well.

This morning, my heart was stirred by this passage from the book I was just telling you about:

"Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water" (Genesis 21:19 NIV).

"Hagar and her boy were dying of thirst with a well less than a bowshot away. 

In this wilderness, I keep circling back to this: I'm blind to joy's well every time I really don't want it. The well is always there.  And I choose not to see it.  Don't I really want joy?  Don't I really want the fullest life?  For all my yearning for joy, longing for joy, begging for joy--is the bald truth that I prefer the empty dark? Prefer drama? Why do I lunge for control instead of joy?  Is it somehow more perversely satisfying to flex control's muscle? Ah--power--like Satan.  Do I think Jesus' grace too impotent to give me the full life?  Isn't that the only reason I don't always swill the joy?  If the startling truth is that I don't really want joy, there's a far worse truth.  If I am rejecting the joy that is hidden somewhere deep in this moment--am I not ultimately rejecting God?  Whenever I am blind to joy's well, isn't it because I don't believe in God's care?  That God cares enough about me to always offer me joy's water, wherever I am, regardless of circumstance.  But if I don't believe God cares, if I don't want or seek the joy He definitely offers somewhere in this moment--I don't want God.
Blasphemer.

In His presence is fullness of joy.  He is in this moment.  The well is always here.  God is always here--precisely because He does care.

You have to want to see the well before you can drink from it.  You have to want to see joy, God in the moment."

This holiday season, I want to see joy, God in the moment. Do you?  Easier said than done, but we must choose to go to the well and drink of joy's water.

How to Give to Our Adoption

As I mentioned in my last post Lifesong for Orphans wants to give us a $2,500 matching grant!  They will match dollar for dollar what people give toward our adoption up to that amount.  Anything over that amount will still be put toward our adoption, they just won't match it. Our goal is to match this grant by December 31st.

100% of your donation will go directly to helping us bring our kids home.

If you want to help us reach our goal of $2,500 there are a couple of ways you can do this:

1. Give by Check

• Please make checks payable to "Lifesong for Orphans".  In the memo please note our account number #4037 and our name, Curley. (ie: 4037, Curley)
• Mail checks to:                                                  

              Lifesong for Orphans
              PO Box 40
              Gridley, IL 61744

2. Give Online

• www.lifesongfororphans.org/give/donate
• Select "Give to an Adoptive Family"
• Complete online form and fill in "4037" for "family account number" and "Curley" for "family name"

Lifesong has asked us to note a couple of things as we share about how you can give.

• In following IRS guidelines, your donation is to the named non-profit organization (Lifesong for Orphans). This organization retains full discretion over its use, but intends to honor the donor’s suggested use.
• Individual donations $250 or more and yearly donations totaling $250 or more will receive a tax-deductible receipt. Receipts for donations under $250, will gladly be sent upon request.
• Lifesong is a 501(c)3 tax exempt organization.

Thank you for reading along and joining us on our journey!!

Overwhelmed

I remember one time asking my dad when I would stop being surprised at God's blessings.   When I would just expect Him to bless, know that He will, and not be surprised when He does.  His answer was "Never. God's blessings are designed to surprise us." Surprise and amaze us, that's exactly what God's blessings have done in our lives yet again.

Remember when I told you we applied for three adoption grants?  Well friends, as of today, we have heard back from all three of them and we got all three of them!  You read that right, we have received three adoption grants!!  The first one we heard from was Lifesong for Orphans, they are giving us a matching grant of $2,500. Lifesong will match dollar for dollar what friends and family give us or we raise up to $2,500!  That would be a total of $5,000! If you feel led of the Lord to give and want to be a part of helping us reach this $2,500 goal with Lifesong for Orphans, please read my next post where I will share details of how you can give.

Last week we heard from the JSC Foundation and were told we received a grant from them! Today, we got a letter from Show Hope (this is the organization that Steven Curtis Chapman, one of my favorite all time Christian artists, started) telling us that they are giving us a grant!!

As an adoption caseworker, I tell people about these grants all the time.  I tell people all the time, "don't let finances or the lack thereof keep you from adopting.  God can provide.  If He wants you to adopt, He will provide the money".  It is a very different thing to talk about grants and tell people that God will provide but then I had to take my own advice and apply for grants, step out in faith, and trust that God would provide.  He is so so faithful.  We are so overwhelmed at his provision and His love for our kids.  "He sets the lonely in families." (Psalm 68:6) HE sets the lonely in families.  This is His plan, His doing.  He wants to give our kids a forever family.

He is using organizations like Lifesong, the JSC Foundation, and Show Hope to accomplish His plan, just like he used those 300 Israelites to defeat the 135,000 Midianites (see my last post) and it is Him alone that receives the glory!!

Where He guides, He will provide!  This is true in my life and in yours too! Could He be guiding you down a path toward adoption?  Please don't let the money stop you! If He wants you to adopt, He will provide every dollar you need to bring your child(ren) home!  It may not be in the way you think He will or the way you think He should, but He WILL provide.

Glimpses of His Glory

A couple of months ago, I heard a great sermon on Gideon.  The simplified version of the story goes like this: There were 32,000 Isrealite soldiers who were going to go and fight the Midianites, but God said that was too many soldiers, and so He widdled it down to 10,000, still too many. Still a chance that the people would think that it was them fighting the battle.  So once again, He widdled it down. This time to 300 men.  300 men to go out and fight the army of 135,000 Midianite soldiers, that was a ratio of one Israelite to every 450 Midianites! The pastor said that God didn't want to share His glory, that He didn't want the Israelites thinking it was them that defeated the Midianites.

Well, I feel like this is what God is doing with our story, He doesn't want us or anyone else thinking we are the ones bringing our kids home, it is Him and He needs to receive all the glory!! So, we went from thinking we could pay for our adoption on our own to realizing that was just not going to happen.  He widdled down our resources as we paid one adoption fee after another and then He gave us two kids so we needed twice the amount of money!

Honestly, we haven't known how God is going to pay our remaining adoption fees, but we have known that He has a plan and we are getting to see more glimpses of that plan and it. is. amazing. Amazing to see Him at work, amazing to be reminded over and over that He loves our kids even more than we do.

Stay tuned as I share some of the glimpses!

This is Our God

I heard a song recently that I am loving right now.  It is a song by a long time favorite artist of mine, Chris Tomlin.

There are so many things that go on in our world that are hard to understand.  Sometimes people struggle to believe in God because of all the pain and sadness, all the disease and sickness.  If God is good, then "why?" many ask.

The way I look at it though, those things are not because of God, they are because of sin, because of man's poor choices.  Now, don't get me wrong, I am not saying that if you are suffering it is because you sinned, but its because of sin in general and the fallen world we live in.

God created a perfect world.  He did not desire suffering or pain or heartache, but He gave man a free will and man choose to mess up the perfection He created. Where is God in the midst of the suffering and the pain?  He is there.  He is....

A refuge for the poor

A shelter for the storm

This is our God

And He will wipe away your tears 

And return your wasted years

This is our God

A Father to the orphan 

A healer to the broken

This is our God

And He brings peace to our madness

And comfort in our sadness

This is our God

I cannot help but wonder if someday my kids are going to ask why, why did God not work it out so their birth parents could raise them?  Why did they have to experience loss in their lives?  They may wonder where God was.  I would love to have this conversation with them because I so want them to know that God was there all along, He was and is a Father to them, He is their healer, their peace, their comfort, their refuge, their shelter.  He never wanted them to suffer or be alone and so He helped their birth mom find the help she needed, He brought comfort and peace.  He has been their shelter and refuge.  This, this is our God.

Pad Thai

Sure have been thinking a lot about and missing our kids lately.  How its possible to miss someone so much who you have never met, I don't know, but I do.  Its only been two and a half months since we found out about them, but it has been years we have been praying for them.  This week we have been praying even more as there is flooding in Thailand right now, specifically in and around the province where they live.  Flooding is a pretty common thing there, but so very sad.  Two years ago when it flooded over 800 people lost their lives.  Over 30 have already died in this flood.  I take great comfort in knowing that God sees them and knows them and loves them even more than I do.

On a happier note, I had a birthday last week and my dear husband gave me this....

I have been eyeing this necklace for awhile and am so enjoying having it to wear!

Tonight, perhaps because of my missing Thailand and our kids mood and perhaps just because I love Thai food, we made Pad Thai. 

 

This is one of the most common Thai dishes, its considered street food in Thailand and you can buy it at a stand on the side of the road for 20 or 30 baht, less than a dollar, and its yummy! 

 

Oh, and we made "cha yen" as well, or cold Thai tea, another of our favorites!  

 

If you haven't tried Thai food, you are missing out!!

Born out of Loss

Adoption is a word that is very near and dear to my heart.  It has been for a long time now. It means birth parents have the opportunity to give life and love to a child.  It means a child gets a family and a family gets a child.  I love adoption.  I love so many things about it.  The joy, the anticipation, the hope, the idea of family, the way it brings people together (and not just child and parents), the miracle of each life, the journey, the healing, the love.

Why do I love adoption?  It’s sometimes hard to explain, but I will try.  You see I was adopted; I wouldn’t be who I am without my Father.  God took me in and made me His own.  He loves me, protects me, provides for me, sings over me, and delights in me.  Where would I be without adoption?  I have also seen firsthand time and time again, what an amazing blessing adoption is; it is a blessing for the birth family, for the child, and for the adoptive family.  A decision made in love for one that is loved, is most often the case, a decision made out of necessity and pure desire for a child to have everything he or she needs.  A decision sometimes made in desperation or for lack of a better option. 

Adoption though, as amazing and wonderful as it is, is difficult too.  Adoption is born out of loss.  Loss for the birth family, loss for the child, and loss for the adoptive parents.  Many don’t want to acknowledge this loss; they don’t want to admit that there is any grief or pain associated with adoption.  I know for a long time I didn’t. 

You see, I have known for as long as I can remember that someday I would adopt, someday, I would travel to the other side of the world and bring a precious child (or two!) into my family.  I would be gaining a child, they would be gaining a mom and dad.  There is so much to be gained through adoption that often we stop there. Don’t stop there friends, I challenge you to explore the losses, so that you can truly celebrate the gains.

For my husband and I, when we adopt, we will have lost a biological connection to our children (and this is true whether a family goes through infertility or not).   For our precious children they will have lost their first parents or birth parents and foster parents as well.  They have lost a biological connection to their family. And in our case, they will lose the opportunity to grow up in their country of birth.  For the first parents, they have lost the opportunity to raise their children, to get to be mom and dad, to be there every day.  Adoption is hard people, so very beautiful, but also hard.

Along these same lines, I came across this post today from Together for Adoption that some of you might enjoy reading.

He WILL Provide

"We have something for you" some friends at church told us.  We kept missing each other and it wasn't until a few weeks later that we finally caught up with one another.  We were excited to share the news that we had gotten just days before, that we would be adopting TWO kids.

This dear couple handed us an envelope and said, "This is what we have been trying to get to you the past few weeks". We thanked them, and I stuck it in my purse to open later.  We spent some time showing them pictures of our little boy and little girl, and then we said goodbye and headed home. 

When we got in the car, I opened the envelope to find a very sweet note saying how they want to be a part of caring for the fatherless and how God had very specifically laid it on their hearts to give us this gift to help us bring our children home....$1,000.

Inside this little envelope was $1,000!

We were (and are!) overwhelmed by this family's generosity, but we are even more overwhelmed that God not only knows our need, but He knew it before we did.  He laid it on the hearts of this couple weeks before we would find out that we would be adopting two children and have two adoption fees to pay. He knew that we would need this reminder that He already has a plan and that He is going to provide. 

What an amazing journey this is, especially amazing because we get to see Him working out so many details and reminding us so many times that He knows us better than we know ourselves and that He not only loves us, but He loves our children.  He desires to "set the lonely in families" (Psalm 68:6) and He will work however He needs to to accomplish this. 

If you think of it please pray with us for the rest of the funds to come in.  We have applied for a few different adoption grants-Lifesong for Orphans, Show Hope, and The JSC Foundation.  We can't wait to have more "God stories" to tell you!

The Weekend!

What a relaxing and fun weekend!  Marc and I started Saturday morning with some yard sales.  I must say that I do love a good bargain.  Those that know me well, know that I like to keep my shelves stocked with free or very cheap toothpaste, floss, toothbrushes, soap, etc.  So, quality clothes for 50 cents or a dollar and I'm in, even if it means getting up at six on a Saturday!


Stuff for the kids-$10



Stuff for me-$13

The best part about the yard sales? My dear husband came with me!  Sure do love that man! We had a great time finding stuff for the kids! The kids?! Our kids!  We have kids! 

Then Marc made us breakfast that we enjoyed outside on the patio.

 

Here's our little puppy, who is getting to be not so little!  She loved the morning outside too!

Failed to take any more pictures over the weekend, but we enjoyed the evening with some friends having dinner at a local Thai restaurant where I met the sweetest waitress and found out the owners have a little girl who is just 5 days younger than our little girl!  We will definitely be eating here more often and would love for our kids to have Thai friends here in our community.

 

Today, we enjoyed the morning at church worshipping and learning from the Word.  We sang this song that is so very true.

 

You are Good

 

Your kindness leads me to repentance

Your goodness draws me to Your side
Your mercy calls me to be like You
Your favor is my delight
Every day, I'll awaken my praise
And pour out a song from my heart

You are good, You are good
You are good, and Your mercy is forever
You are good, You are good
You are good, and Your mercy is forever
You are good, and Your mercy is forever

 

No matter what the day holds, He is good.  Some days it doesn't feel like He is, but I am learning to rest in this fact, that He is good, His character is good.  That doesn't mean everything that happens in life is good, but He is.

Still in Awe

Well, the excitement has not died down here!  We are still super excited to know that we are going to have a son and a daughter and are still letting it sink in! For months, years really, we have wondered whether our first child would be a boy or a girl, its kind of crazy to think that its not boy or girl, but boy AND girl!  Still in awe of God's goodness in blessing us with these two children. 

Please know though that it the midst of our excitement we are very aware of the loss that is involved in all of this too.  We are very aware that us being able to adopt these two precious children means that their birth parents are not going to be raising them and there is a whole lot of loss that comes with that.   I actually have a whole post I wrote about that that I will share with you soon.

In the meantime, I thought I would let you know what we have been up to.  Adoption grant applications, lots of them! Marc and I have been carefully saving and planning so that we could afford to adopt and we had the money to pay for everything.  Until, well yes, a boy AND a girl does mean that we will need to pay our placement fee twice.  And no amount of planning or saving on our part is going to make that much money appear as fast as we need it.  Its like God has been saying, "don't rob me of the chance to show you and everyone who knows you that I am the Great Provider. I want to show My glory in how I am going to provide all that you need to bring these children home."  And so, just like that we are reminded once again that we can't do this alone.  And do you know what?  We are glad, even excited.  We know that when we come to the end of ourselves is often when God can show up best.  So, we are excited to see how He is going to provide.

And in fact, He has already started providing the extra money.  I already have a really cool God story to tell you, so stay tuned!

Did I Say Boy OR Girl?

So about that phone call….it was a Thursday afternoon, I actually had the day off work because I was going to be working over the weekend.  I had this feeling of excitement all morning, though I wasn’t sure why. I was outside working in the yard and when I came back in I saw I had missed a call from our adoption agency.  Immediately, I knew in my heart that this was “the call”. I called Holt (our agency) back and left a message saying I would keep my phone with me and to call whenever.  I called Marc to see if he could come home from work early, which he did.  Then around 5:00 p.m. we received the phone call that would change the rest of our lives.

The director of the Thailand program said she wanted to ask us about a little three-year-old boy AND a little two-year-old girl, a brother and sister.  She went on to explain some about their situation and Marc and I just looked at each other, smiling, with our mouths wide open, trying to take it all in.  Did we want to review their files and consider adopting them she asked.  “Yes, definitely yes”, was our immediate answer. 

We knew even before we saw their pictures or had read their files that these were our children.  I can’t really explain it, but we just knew.  We checked our email half a dozen times over the next hour or so waiting for the email with their pictures and information. 

Then, around 6:30 p.m. we saw their beautiful faces for the first time.  Precious, precious children.  Soon to be our children.  Wow.  We were open to a sibling group, but were told they rarely get sibling group referrals from Thailand and not to expect a sibling group, so we weren’t! 

The verse that has been running through my head as I process all of this is Ephesians 3:20. "Now to Him that is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we could ask or think….to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever." 

We are going to be parents to TWO precious children!  We stand in awe, complete awe, of God for giving us this opportunity. 

The Process

Last January (2012), as we neared our third wedding anniversary, Marc and I decided to start looking more seriously into adopting. (You have to be married at least three years to adopt from Thailand.)  We always thought we would have biological kids first, mostly because I was already in my 30’s, but since that didn’t seem to be happening and we had been through all kinds of testing that left us with no real answers, we decided, that since we knew we wanted to adopt, why not go ahead and pursue it.  If only it were that easy! 

We found out that the Thailand program at the agency we wanted to use was currently closed.  It might reopen in March they said.  March came and went as did the next six months.  Then, finally in September it opened!!  We sent our application in the day after we found out the program was open.  We were confident that this was the direction God wanted us to pursue to grow our family.  We heard a great sermon by Chuck Swindoll, called Short Cutting the Will of God, that was huge in helping us decide that adoption was indeed what we should pursue at this time.


September to December was a flurry of paperwork and meetings with a social worker to get an approved home study. Everyone who adopts has to have a home study.  A home study is a process that involves a ton of paperwork, everything from FBI fingerprints, to reference letters, to medical reports, to writing long autobiographies.  The result is a 12-15 page report, called a home study, on just about every area of your lives.  

There is a LOT of paperwork in adoption!  



Our completed dossier x3!

Throughout the home study we were also gathering documents for our dossier, which is a collection of documents that the country of Thailand requires for adoptive parents.  All of these documents had to be authenticated at an office in Richmond and then apostilled by the State Department in Washington D.C.  Next we took the dossier to the Thai Embassy in D.C. and then, sent them off to Eugene, Oregon where our adoption agency, Holt International, is located. 

Holt then sent the dossier off to Thailand and we were officially #16 on the waiting list to adopt from Thailand. 

In March we heard we were #10 on the wait list and told we could expect to receive a referral for a child in September or December.

On Thursday, July 25th we got a phone call, one that will forever change our lives.  I can’t wait to tell you about it in my next post!

We’re Adopting!

Have you ever fallen in love with a place you’ve been?  Maybe it was a city you visited or a cute little town.  For me, it was a country and the people in that country.  Eleven years ago, I flew across the world and for the very first time stepped foot in a country that I had barely heard of before, a country where I did not speak the language, did not know the people, had never eaten the food, and into a country that quickly found a very special place in my heart.

 Six months there turned into six years, and I found myself living and working in this amazing place.  Little did I know back in 2002 when I stepped out to fill a short term need, that this country would stay a part of me, that my time there would have such a huge role in shaping who I am, what I do, and how I view the world. 

Thailand is a place near and dear to my heart, so many people there that I love so dearly, a language that is now music to my ears, food that I crave, and the country where our first son or daughter has been born.  That’s right our son or daughter! 

Marc and I have had time together in this amazing place and he loves it too.  It was a pretty easy decision for us to decide that we wanted to adopt from Thailand and that’s exactly what we are doing!!  More info on where we are at in the process to come!

Stay Tuned

Wow, I wish I had started this blog months ago!  There is so much about our journey that I want to share with you, last week we got the surprise of our lives!  We have finished one part of the waiting on our journey and are getting ready to begin another part of the waiting, perhaps the hardest part yet.  Stay tuned as I hope to post a few times throughout the week on what God has been doing in our lives over the last couple of years that has led us to where we are today.

Journey to get Beyond the Wait

For awhile now, I’ve let my lack of what to call this blog stop me from making it.  I got caught up in the name.  Well, that and the fact that I have not been sure that I want to share things that I am feeling and thinking with the world (or the dozen or so that might read this!)  Tonight, as He has on numerous occasions, God gave me a couple of thoughts and experiences that I needed to write down, that I feel I need to share.  "Really Lord, you really want me to write about some of my innermost thoughts and put them in a place where anyone can read them?"

You know how sometimes, you can have a burden for something or someone and it goes away after you pray about it or you forget about it, but then there are other times when the burden only grows or you think about it even more?  In my life, I have come to know this as God asking me to do more.  So, this is the beginning of my attempts to share with you (whoever “you” might be) a little of what God is teaching me and the journey He has me on, the journey to love and be loved by Him, the journey to know and be known by Him, the journey to make Him known.  The journey that someday I want to “end” (really truly only begin!) hearing the words, “well done, my good and faithful servant”.   

My journey has involved a lot of waiting, yours probably has too, but I have been, and am being, challenged to keep my eyes on Jesus and remember what is Beyond the Wait.

I write not because I think my life is so interesting, but because I feel burdened to share.  Burdened to let those who struggle through infertility know they are not alone, burdened to do and say more for the millions of children around the world waiting for a mommy and daddy, burdened to have a voice for adoption and a place to share what God is teaching me about Himself.  So if you will, join me on my journey to Him, my journey to get Beyond the Wait.