Born out of Loss

Adoption is a word that is very near and dear to my heart.  It has been for a long time now. It means birth parents have the opportunity to give life and love to a child.  It means a child gets a family and a family gets a child.  I love adoption.  I love so many things about it.  The joy, the anticipation, the hope, the idea of family, the way it brings people together (and not just child and parents), the miracle of each life, the journey, the healing, the love.

Why do I love adoption?  It’s sometimes hard to explain, but I will try.  You see I was adopted; I wouldn’t be who I am without my Father.  God took me in and made me His own.  He loves me, protects me, provides for me, sings over me, and delights in me.  Where would I be without adoption?  I have also seen firsthand time and time again, what an amazing blessing adoption is; it is a blessing for the birth family, for the child, and for the adoptive family.  A decision made in love for one that is loved, is most often the case, a decision made out of necessity and pure desire for a child to have everything he or she needs.  A decision sometimes made in desperation or for lack of a better option. 

Adoption though, as amazing and wonderful as it is, is difficult too.  Adoption is born out of loss.  Loss for the birth family, loss for the child, and loss for the adoptive parents.  Many don’t want to acknowledge this loss; they don’t want to admit that there is any grief or pain associated with adoption.  I know for a long time I didn’t. 

You see, I have known for as long as I can remember that someday I would adopt, someday, I would travel to the other side of the world and bring a precious child (or two!) into my family.  I would be gaining a child, they would be gaining a mom and dad.  There is so much to be gained through adoption that often we stop there. Don’t stop there friends, I challenge you to explore the losses, so that you can truly celebrate the gains.

For my husband and I, when we adopt, we will have lost a biological connection to our children (and this is true whether a family goes through infertility or not).   For our precious children they will have lost their first parents or birth parents and foster parents as well.  They have lost a biological connection to their family. And in our case, they will lose the opportunity to grow up in their country of birth.  For the first parents, they have lost the opportunity to raise their children, to get to be mom and dad, to be there every day.  Adoption is hard people, so very beautiful, but also hard.

Along these same lines, I came across this post today from Together for Adoption that some of you might enjoy reading.