Where Joy Comes From

I hate when I feel like my happiness is dependent on my circumstances.  When I let my happiness be determined by my circumstances.  These last couple of weeks have been long and I have really had to lean in heavily on the Lord.  Part of the whole point of this journey of life, right?  Most people who have been through difficult times will tell you that nothing makes you depend on the Lord and grow in your walk with Him like the hard times.  Most of us wouldn't choose the hard times, but God, in His love and mercy, uses the hard times to grow us closer to Him and to make us more dependent on Him.  I am so thankful that while my happiness can be easily affected, I have a deeper kind of happiness that remains, its called joy.  My happiness may ebb and flow, but joy is a constant, it stems from a deep sense of knowing that everything is going to be okay, that Someone is in control.

Sarah Young, in her devotional Jesus Calling, says, "Knowing [God] intimately is like having a private wellspring of joy within you. The spring flows freely from [God's] throne of grace, so your joy is independent of circumstances. Waiting on [God's] presence keeps you connected to [Him], aware of all that [He] offers you. If you feel any deficiency, you need to refocus your attention on [God]. This is how you trust [God] in the moments of your life."

Psalm 37:7 says, "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him." Easier said than done sometimes. Be still before the Lord. And wait patiently for Him. In our society, we are all about making things happen.  Being still? This takes some serious discipline. 

Today, I want to find joy in Him. Regardless of my circumstances.  Regardless of whether my children are with me or not. Regardless of whether the adoption board grants us approval this week or not.  The joy of the LORD will be my strength.  I will keep fighting to keep my eyes on Him, to keep trusting, to stay closely connected to my wellspring of joy. I will be still in His presence.

Tuesday was indeed another Thai Tuesday around here.  We made "laap", or minced chicken salad, something we recently learned to make at a local Thai restaurant where we got to take a cooking class.  We are so grateful to have Thai people in our community who are willing to teach us and share their wonderful culture with us. 

THIS could have been the Thai Tuesday.....but I am trying not to focus so much on that and am instead trying to be still in a different way.  I am not sure that I can handle the disappointment if we do not get approval again, so I am trying not to get my hopes set on that, but rather to focus on being still in God's presence.  Because in God's presence and with Him, anything is possible, and most especially joy.

 

Forgotten?

Have you ever felt forgotten?  Passed by.  Overlooked. 

Me too.

This is different than being jealous, at least I think it is. It feels different.  When you feel forgotten you can still feel genuinely happy for those who don't appear to be forgotten.

Feeling forgotten doesn't mean that you are, its just how you feel.

God made me a feeling being, He gave me this heart that feels things deeply.  There have been times in my life when I wish that I didn't feel things so deeply, it hurts too much sometimes.  And yet, I know there is a reason that He made me this way.  I can't ignore how I feel, so I choose to explore these feelings, to sort them out and to fill in facts to go along with these feelings.

I am going to be really real with you for a few minutes.

My heart is aching, literally, physically aching for my children to be home with me.  This might be hard to understand, okay it is, right?  I have never met these children, never talked to them, they are not really mine and yet my heart tells me they are.  Imagine for a minute being separated from your kids for a year, having no control over their lives, who is interacting with them, who is teaching them, what they are eating or what kind of medical and dental care they are getting.  Its hard friends. 

Now don't get me wrong, our agency has a wonderful foundation set up in Thailand to care for children like our two little ones, but its a foundation, they are with a foster parent instead of their forever family.  My heart longs to be close to them, to wrap my arms around them and speak to them of Jesus' love.  I long for them to know that we are committed to them, today, tomorrow, and always, no matter what is ahead. They are our kids and we love them, so very deeply we love them.

There is one, seemingly simple, next step that we are waiting for, its called first approval.  We need, our children need, for the Thai adoption board to review our case and say yes, yes, you can adopt these kids.  Unofficially, we have already been told that, but we need to hear that officially. 

This week in Thailand there was another board meeting.  Six families got first approval.  Six families.  This is amazing.  There has been so little movement all year and over the last month there have been close to 15 approvals.  I am genuinely happy for each family that has gotten first approval, but I am also sad because we have not been one of them and according to how long we have been waiting and what we have been told, we should have been.

God has a perfect plan.  I know that.  He is good and He is trustworthy.  I know that things happen in His time, not mine.  This is a lesson that I am continually learning. I know that God hasn't forgotten me and I trust Him.  I choose to trust Him even when it hurts, even when it feels like I've been forgotten.  I choose to rest in these facts, He sees me, He sees my children, and He has a perfect plan.

If you feel forgotten today, wherever you are and whatever is going on in your life, know you are not alone.  And, know that you are not, you are not forgotten.  He loves you.  He sees you.  Even when you don't feel this, rest in this fact.  Even when I don't feel this, I will rest in this fact and know, I am not forgotten.

I painted this canvas a couple of years ago.  Last night, I saw it through my tears sitting on a shelf in my bathroom. 
God's Word spoken to me. This is what I choose to do today, with all my heart, I choose to trust in the LORD. 

Pad Thai Recipe

Here is my Pad Thai recipe for those who are interested.  This is actually not originally my recipe.  A dear friend, Pim, taught me how to make this when I was living in Thailand.  She was such a good cook!

This dish is pretty simple and you can buy most of the ingredients at a grocery store.  The rice noodles, oyster sauce, and bean sprouts are easiest to find at an Asian grocery store.

Pad Thai

1 pound of chicken or 1 block firm tofu (yellow on the outside)

½ c. green onions (chives)

4 cloves garlic or 3 T. minced garlic

2 T. oil

3 eggs (beaten)

Rice noodles (8 ounces)

1/3 c. oyster sauce

1/3 c. vinegar

1/3 c. sugar

½ c. chopped peanuts

1 c. bean sprouts

Limes

Directions: 

Cut chicken or tofu into small cubes. Cut green onions (chives) into 1 inch pieces. Chop garlic.

Mix oyster sauce, vinegar, and sugar together in a small bowl.  Set aside.

Put oil in wok. Sauté 2 tablespoons of the garlic. Add chicken and cook until done or tofu until hard. Remove tofu or chicken from wok, but leave the oil.

Cook noodles in boiling water for about 5 minutes depending on how soft you want them.

Sauté remaining tablespoon of garlic in oil. Cook in 3 eggs.

In wok, stir in cooked noodles, sauce mixture, peanuts, tofu or chicken, bean sprouts, and chives. Cook 3-4 minutes.

Serve with fresh bean sprouts, lime juice, more crushed peanuts, and crushed red pepper. Yum!

 

Could this be THE Thai Tuesday?

This could be the meeting.  If not this week, then the next meeting will most likely be the meeting. The meeting where the Thai Adoption Board will officially approve us to adopt our kids.  We have been waiting over a year for this approval and we are so very close to receiving it. First approval they call it.  As I have explained before on this blog, once we get this approval there will be another round of paperwork, another immigration approval and then we will get travel dates!

We are getting close!!

Tonight I made Pad Thai, one of our favorites.

I started with this:

 

And ended with this:

This Thai Tuesday we are praying that the board would review our case and give it the approval it needs so that we can travel to Thailand and bring our children home.  Will you pray with us?