You Are Not Alone

Last week was National Infertility Awareness Week.  I didn't get a chance to post this, but I thought I would go ahead anyway since for most people diagnosed with infertility, the realness of this disease lives on long after awareness week is over. 

Now I know there is a week or a day for everything and sometimes it gets old.  However, I could not let this opportunity pass by to say something about this very difficult topic one that, whether I want it to be or not, is close to my heart.

I will never forget the day I was handed a brochure at the doctor's office that said "Exploring Infertility".  I remember holding that brochure in my hand and staring at it. "Really?  Did you just give me that?  You are saying I am, we are, infertile?"  Somehow that little brochure and seeing it in writing made what the doctor had been saying all the more real. 

That first year of trying to have a baby, hope was very much alive as we kept telling ourselves it is just a matter of time.  The second year was especially difficult as it was full of intrusive tests and more doctors visits than I ever care to have again in my life. Those were hard years, years filled with many tears.  We didn't understand it.  Children are a blessing from the Lord, we had always heard.  Why aren't we being blessed, we asked ourselves. 

Growing up as one of ten children, in a church where having four children was considered a small family, infertility was not something I ever thought about.  I am not even sure I knew what it was.  I always assumed I would be able to get pregnant and have a baby.  Other people assumed that too. 

One of the things that I have learned on this journey is that making assumptions is not often a good idea. Do not assume you know why a couple is not having children and unless they are a really good friend, don't ask either. Don't assume you know God's will for your life or for someone else's.  Proverbs says, "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."  This is difficult sometimes. We can plan all we want, but in the end fertility, or the lack thereof, is not something we have control over.  Sure, some people think they have control over it, but in reality, it is the Lord that does.

I know I will not completely understand the reasons for infertility this side of heaven, except that we live in a broken world, with broken bodies.  Infertility was not God's original plan. He said, be fruitful and multiply.  Sure God allows it, but it was not His plan.  Sure He uses it, but it was not His original design.  One of the things that I love so much about God, is how he uses bad for good, how He uses difficult for His glory.

I wish I had known how to reach out more during that difficult time.  Infertility is difficult to talk about for so many reasons, but like many difficult things in life, talking about it helps.  Knowing you are not alone helps.  It doesn't make the pain go away, but finding support means you have someone to go to when you are experiencing that pain.

The theme of this years National Infertility Awareness Week, was "You are not alone". Did you know that one in eight couples faces infertility? To anyone out there reading this, going through infertility, know you are not alone. May I encourage you to reach out, to share your story? RESOLVE is the national infertility association.  You can go to their website to find support groups in your area and resources that might be a support to you. To anyone out there not going through infertility, know that there are people in your life who are struggling with this.  Be sensitive to them, acknowledge the difficult path they walk. Help them know they are not alone.

Though I know the theme "you are not alone" was not meant to point people to God, but to others going through infertility.  The reality is that we are never alone, even when we may feel like we are, He is with us.  This song by Kari Jobe titled "I am Not Alone" is such an encouragement if you are feeling alone.