Forgotten?

Have you ever felt forgotten?  Passed by.  Overlooked. 

Me too.

This is different than being jealous, at least I think it is. It feels different.  When you feel forgotten you can still feel genuinely happy for those who don't appear to be forgotten.

Feeling forgotten doesn't mean that you are, its just how you feel.

God made me a feeling being, He gave me this heart that feels things deeply.  There have been times in my life when I wish that I didn't feel things so deeply, it hurts too much sometimes.  And yet, I know there is a reason that He made me this way.  I can't ignore how I feel, so I choose to explore these feelings, to sort them out and to fill in facts to go along with these feelings.

I am going to be really real with you for a few minutes.

My heart is aching, literally, physically aching for my children to be home with me.  This might be hard to understand, okay it is, right?  I have never met these children, never talked to them, they are not really mine and yet my heart tells me they are.  Imagine for a minute being separated from your kids for a year, having no control over their lives, who is interacting with them, who is teaching them, what they are eating or what kind of medical and dental care they are getting.  Its hard friends. 

Now don't get me wrong, our agency has a wonderful foundation set up in Thailand to care for children like our two little ones, but its a foundation, they are with a foster parent instead of their forever family.  My heart longs to be close to them, to wrap my arms around them and speak to them of Jesus' love.  I long for them to know that we are committed to them, today, tomorrow, and always, no matter what is ahead. They are our kids and we love them, so very deeply we love them.

There is one, seemingly simple, next step that we are waiting for, its called first approval.  We need, our children need, for the Thai adoption board to review our case and say yes, yes, you can adopt these kids.  Unofficially, we have already been told that, but we need to hear that officially. 

This week in Thailand there was another board meeting.  Six families got first approval.  Six families.  This is amazing.  There has been so little movement all year and over the last month there have been close to 15 approvals.  I am genuinely happy for each family that has gotten first approval, but I am also sad because we have not been one of them and according to how long we have been waiting and what we have been told, we should have been.

God has a perfect plan.  I know that.  He is good and He is trustworthy.  I know that things happen in His time, not mine.  This is a lesson that I am continually learning. I know that God hasn't forgotten me and I trust Him.  I choose to trust Him even when it hurts, even when it feels like I've been forgotten.  I choose to rest in these facts, He sees me, He sees my children, and He has a perfect plan.

If you feel forgotten today, wherever you are and whatever is going on in your life, know you are not alone.  And, know that you are not, you are not forgotten.  He loves you.  He sees you.  Even when you don't feel this, rest in this fact.  Even when I don't feel this, I will rest in this fact and know, I am not forgotten.

I painted this canvas a couple of years ago.  Last night, I saw it through my tears sitting on a shelf in my bathroom. 
God's Word spoken to me. This is what I choose to do today, with all my heart, I choose to trust in the LORD.